Four days from today I have to stand in front of an auditorium full of entrepreneurs and teachers at George Washington University and expound on the importance of EMPATHY in terms of today's time/social business and why it is essential. A good speaker ALWAYS does extensive research on the topic matter at hand before even thinking about writing a speech. So, I ran across this one essay a woman wrote about the power of empathy and it truly brought tears to my eyes...it was so deep and so true. It was one of those things you read and every other sentence you go "Uuummm!" Anyways, it's not like I haven't known this but sometimes when you read others' thought process it helps you to sort out your own...I've come to the conclusion that EVERYONE needs some empathy in their heart, not just social entrepreneurs. The power of empathy is often underestimated. In the essay I read, it gave this amazing intro about how people are so caught up into self for the most part...kids are worried about the next game they're going to play and school grades, college kids are worried about which party to go to next and how to juggle 22 credits while still managing to sleep, eat, and have fun...business professionals are concerned about work, the stock market, etc. Then the author asks the question...
"Have we ever taken time to feel sympathy and to help disabled and poor
people who are hungry and jobless? Have we ever had time to think of old people
who were sent to nursing homes and only remembered by their family once in a
year? I do hope many of us will say "Yes". I am not surprised though
if many of us may admit that we don’t have time for that kind of "luxurious"
feeling. In the century of Information Technology, of the Internet and robots,
of the stock market, we rush to develop our minds and chase our success.
Oftentimes we neglect to develop our empathy. The empathy which is defined to
be the action of understanding, being aware of , being sensitive to other's
feelings, thoughts and experiences, is very important not only to ourselves,
but also to our whole society."
--Nguyen Minh Hien
That's powerful stuff isn't it?! IT'S SO TRUE. WE MUST STOP BEING SO SELFISH...I mean at the end of the day where does it really get us? We are still tired, working hard, long hours...and what's even more important when we are down, in a bind, or going through a really hard time we look for and want and even expect OTHERS (or a person close to us in particular, like our spouse) to feel some genuine empathy for us. Empathy is not something you just innately have...it must be learned and the more experiences you have the more likely you will be able to understand what someone's going through or "put yourself in their shoes," as we say.
The author then goes on to say..."Unlike empathic people who care about others and try to put themselves
in other's situations, people without any empathy always put themselves in first place." This is not a good trait, but you will find that many and I dare say even most are lacking empathy. The author goes on to tell the story of her girlfriend's tragic ending to her marriage. The wife opened up her home to the author (Nguyen) after she had just arrived to the US and showed her empathy by taking her places and keeping her company, but her husband was a workaholic and this was taking a toll on her. He was ALWAYS working. He NEVER remembered his wife's or son's birthdays and other important dates and would still attend lunch business conferences when his family was ill and in need of a doctor. Because of her husband's lack of empathy, they ended up getting a divorce. That story is so sad and unfortunate, and I'm sure it happens all too often, but all that can be avoided if we just take the time to develop empathy...but as FOR ME, I won't sit here typing and pretend I'm "Oh so empathetic" all the time. I have a big heart, but I've fallen short...I have actually forgotten my 'dating anniversary'/"the first day we made it official anniversary'...(I don't know what you call it since I'm not married) more than once. This was totally insensitive because I really hurt my signifcant other (high school sweet-heart) and what makes it worse is usually men are labeled to be the ones to typically forget dates like this. I did not mean it on purpose, but it still was a lack of empathy on my part, so what did I do?...I marked it on the calendar for next year and on Google calendar so I WON'T FORGET!...also I can be a night owl sometimes and I'll creep down the old stairs which creek so loud...but grandma is a light sleeper and it wakes her up almost EVERY time. This means her rest is broken and she will have to work 10 plus hours, tired and unrested. I feel terrrible now that I'm writing this out, but WE ALL do some pretty inconsiderate things. In order to change this I will simply have to make sure I get all my work done and feed my belly before I go to bed so we can both be rested and happy. So to end this really long post, I hope you got something out of it and I challenge you to find areas in your life in which you could be more empathetic! If your a teacher, maybe you can be more empathetic to your students who are struggling in your class...if you're married, maybe you can be more empathetic to your spouse...if you're a mentor maybe you can be more empathetic to your mentee and CALL them.
Til Next Time,
Yaz
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