IF I WERE A TEACHER: Current Craziness in American Classrooms

Ok--stop the press! I have been witnessing some very disturbing trends in the classroom that I feel are distorting and disorienting the teacher/student/learning environment setting.  I feel safe to say that the college professors are more lenient than the high school teachers I had were (AND NOT ALL; Im just making a general note of commonalities so don't trip--lol). Okay, so this thing about having laptops in class...It is not necessary. IF I WERE A TEACHER, I would make a NO TOLERANCE policy on laptops. "I do not want to see ANY LAPTOPS, unless I tell you we will use them for an in-class project. Don't even bother to bring them!" In class y'all, I sit right next to people who all they are doing is nothing but browsing on Facebook. Is stalking people's lives really that important, that you would tune out vital information that your teacher is spitting? And some students will say, "Well, oh, I take notes on the computer. It is so much easier. I have messy handwriting." My response is "Ain't nothing wrong with your hands! If you have two (one in fact), paper and a writing utensil, you do not need a computer." Beyond that, it is totally disrespectful to have a screen in front of your face, OBNOXIOUSLY ignoring your teacher. IF I WERE spending a majority of my time researching, making presentations, etc for a class I expect them to give me their time, undivided attention and respect. Otherwise I should just get paid to talk to a brick wall! On one wants to do that right?
#2--What is with this first name thing? My name is MS. ARRINGTON TO YOU OR PROFESSOR OR DOCTOR. I am not your peer." There is a student in one of my classes who calls our teacher by a nickname. A NICKNAME! Totally inappropriate. Honestly, I don't care what you say, calling an adult by their first name much less a nickname, eliminates the "authoritative figure/respect." And as a teacher you have earned your title, don't you want people and especially children to recognize you as such?
#3--What is with this lights out thing? Window shades shut, all lights out. And you wonder why students are falling asleep. This is also why I'm blind as a bat! IF I WERE A TEACHER lights would be on. In the real world, you will not be in a cold office with the lights out. I need backs straight, eyes and ears open, and lights on! lol
#4--What is with this constant late acceptance policy on papers/tests etc? We all got a syllabus. Everyone has the deadlines in their faces and at their fingertips. If they wanted to be lazy, then that is no one's fault but their own. When teachers accept an abundance of late work it rubs off on other students and students think that they can do whatever they want and turn things in whenever.
These are a few (unfortunately) of main trends I see evolving in the classroom, while students' brains are "devolving." Things like this make me want to become a teacher. I am not saying that I will be mean, but I will be a responsible adult and authoritative figure. Teachers' whole purpose is to make sure students LEARN! How can they learn running all over top of you and doing what they want? hhhhhmmmmmm. lol